Ahhh the highs. And the gut-wrenching lows.
You’ve waited four long years for this. You’ve dressed up in the jersey, slapped on the face paint, mortgaged your house to buy match tickets or, on the other side of the world, got up at stupid hours to yell at your television set.
You’re filled with hope. You’re cheering like a madman (or woman). And then you’re not. Because the football World Cup, just like every sporting event of its magnitude, has delivered a sucker punch to your hopes and dreams.
Sports fandom is a fickle business. We all know that for every winner, there’s a loser. For every story of glory, there’s one of pain. Sometimes the worst thing that could happen…does. A missed penalty. A wrecked career. A golden team that failed to deliver. People crying in the stands, tearing up their tickets. Legions of fans devastated by losses they could do nothing about.
Sports psychologists see athletes and coaches in the fallout of these events — we guide them through a process for dealing with failure and coming out the other side. But we don’t see the fans, they just have to go home, get over it, and get on with the business of life…for four more years.
Some don’t manage it well, either. After every world cup stories emerge of fans who acted on their rage and distress at their team’s failure.
But most fans know we have to park our losses and move on. So here’s a psychological guide for getting to the other side.
7 Ways to Survive a Sporting Tragedy
#1. Failure doesn’t have to build character.
Failure hurts. It’s allowed to. It doesn’t have to make you a better person. Let your negative emotions out but don’t steam around in a dark funk. Your feelings shouldn’t infect your whole life and stop you from doing things you would normally. If they do, it’s a sure sign you don’t have a whole lot of balance.
#2. Hang out with your tribe.
Process your pain with fellow fans — people who get your loss (and you). Your boss, who hates football, won’t care about your tears or that you can’t deliver on a project because you’ve been up all night ranting at the television. Nor should they. Nor should your family have to suck up your misery. And if you don’t have a tribe you’d better stay in isolation for a while.
#3. No-one’s bringing you flowers.
Dealing with sporting loss has been likened to going through a grief process. So you can use a formal model, like Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’s Five Stages of Grief, to make sense of your psychological wounds. But loss in life is quite different than in death. For a start, sporting loss is not actually death so you do need to pay attention to that and keep your mourning in check.
#4. Follow culturally appropriate rituals.
Do what you would normally do in your country to comfort yourself — but nothing damaging, hurtful or too weird (you know what weird is). Just find a fitting way to mark the end of this event.
#5. Don’t play the blame game.
It is not your partner or kids’ or colleagues’ fault your favourite team crashed out. So don’t blame them and especially don’t say or do things that impact negatively on them.
#6. You are being watched.
Look around. Are there any little fans watching you and potentially copying your behaviour. Is this what you want to pass on? We’re all role models for someone — anyone who says they’re not or they don’t care is being naive — and a bit selfish.
#7. Think outside the sports box.
Distraction is a great help. After you’ve cooled down, force yourself to engage in other activities. If you can’t think of other things to do, take notice. It’s cool to feel passion for your sport, but not if it’s dominating everything else. That’s called over-investment and it’s not healthy.
Just remember loss is easier as a fan, than as a player or coach. All things going well you’ll be here to watch the next World Cup. But your favourite player, the one who missed penalty, or who is in his 30s may not. And if his career ends badly or shamefully, his struggle may be greater — and longer — than yours.