The other night I met a Busy woman who gave me a detailed account of her busyness far beyond my level of interest.
As I listened I could feel my heart start to race and my lifeblood ebb away. So much to do, so little time: her work, her kids, her charities, her house, her parents, her everything. Her phone rang in her bag as she was talking. When she finally left me for someone more receptive I felt like screaming. And drinking. Make that both.
But she was not an unpleasant woman, nor a mean one. She was just so trapped in her busyness she could not see outside it. Or understand that someone she had just met might not be so invested.
Busy, Busy, BUSY
Busyness has become the scourge of modern life. It sits slightly outside the Anxiety Club, even though it can affect our physical and emotional health in the same ways, because Busy People are not unwell; they’ve just got too much to do.
They also look frightening like most of us.
Think about the last time someone asked you how you were? Did you hear yourself saying “busy”?
I’ve certainly said it. It’s partly habit, partly that we’re almost scared not to say it. Because the opposite of busy is…well…no-one wants to be that. It implies no meaningful work, no friends, no activities, no life. What a loser.
I tried this with a group of friends recently. “I’m not busy,” I said. It was true — I’d taken some time off work so my time was all, deliciously, my own.
There was a sort of uneasy silence then one friend rushed in to cover for me. “But you’re doing all sorts of other things.” Code for you’re not lazy or a loser. You’re busy too. Just In Your Own Way.
I took the leave pass graciously. I need my friends.
But really? When did busy become a badge of honour? I’ve never heard busy offered up as a funeral as a source of pride. We’ll miss this Busy Woman. He led a life So Busy. The saying is Rest in Peace for a reason. My dream is that we are able to do it while we are still alive.
Still, life coughs up many obligations and we have to rise to meet them. So here’s a checklist for assessing if it’s all getting too much.
An Unofficial Test for Busy AF Person’s Syndrome
(Answer Yes or No)
1. When people ask how you are your first word is BUSY.
2. You don’t stop at Busy. You begin to verbally process your thousands of obligations without noticing the pallor come over your subject’s face.
3. You constantly feel stressed, rushed and overwhelmed, so much so that you should be losing weight. But you’re not. (You often eat while doing something else).
4. Your sleep patterns are erratic — either wakeful or coma-like and most days you wake up feeling washed out and overwhelmed by the day ahead.
5. You stay up too late. And every day you promise yourself you need to get to bed earlier — but you don’t.
6. You would rather teeter on the edge of insanity than fail at turning in that batch of muffins (or anything else) you promised. You are a person who DELIVERS.
7. You tell yourself you like being busy, that busy people get more done, even though when you look in the mirror you are frightened by the ghost staring back.
8. You can’t relax without social media or exercise (if you had time but you mostly don’t). Even a great book struggles to hold your attention.
9. You are easily distracted, decisions stress you out, your memory doesn’t seem what it was and you (secretly) worry about early onset dementia.
10. You are excessively irritable. Even reading this is winding you up. Tap, tap, tap.
11. Your To-Do list keeps getting longer. You feel like you’re in Survival Mode — constantly.
Results
If you answered yes to most of the questions, only panic slightly. Some life stages demand more of us than others. It’s okay if you feel you are coping AND this is how you want to live.
But these warning signs can morph into serious problems like depression, anxiety and burnout. So pay attention if your busyness is biting into your enjoyment of your people and activities and especially if it’s negatively affecting your moods, emotional reactions and personality.
And — even if it’s not — get your blood pressure checked!